Healthcare Reform

I really want comments on this one – lurkers.

The Obama driven “Health Care Reform” bill is just like the Patriot Act.
Poorly articulated, of dubious purpose and function, and being shoved down the throats of the citizenry.
Anyone who questions it must be “Un-American” “Un-Patriotic”, or merely a delusional whatever-wing fanatic.
Wow, different party in office, different agenda – same tactics.

Why will no one answer questions forthright?
Just give us the facts, no spin, no persuasion – let us decide for ourselves.

  • Why do we need health care reform? What ‘exactly’ is wrong with our health care?
  • What part of health care are you talking about? Provision? Administration? What?
  • Does the government now get to decide what treatments are “covered”? – I have an HMO to deny my treatment now, what do I need the government to do that for?
  • Is the government going to set up more “free” clinics? Or will every doctor now be drafted into “free” service?
  • Will I have the right to a second opinion on my health care needs?
  • Is the government going to subsidize my medications, therapies, and medical equipment? Will it all be free?
  • If I am employed and must stay healthy to earn a living, will I have to wait in line at public clinics with all the unemployed sick people?
  • What kind of emergency procedures will be covered? Experimental procedures? Routine procedures?

There are more questions, but my arthritis is acting up.

HEY! Why when I go to usa.gov – the government’s search engine – and type in “Health care reform” why do I get “98 results for health care reform out of at least 947,000”?
And why isn’t the text of the proposed bill one of the very first things I see? I can’t even figure out where to get a copy to read myself!
I went to healthreform.gov, the government’s propaganda site – truly it is because there isn’t a link to be found to the text of the bill!
Forget “Where’s Waldo”, where’s the bill?

Mindfulness: Of vs. In

Being Mindful In your actions means to focus your being on the task at hand, whether writing a quick note, arranging flowers, or doing your taxes.
It is a form of meditation in that you attend to just one thing at a time.
Rather like a body breathing meditation session.

Whereas being Mindful Of your actions is both pre- and -post being Mindful In your actions.

Here’s what I mean:
Mindfulness In assumes that the action your are engaged in is the correct action, that it fulfills your intent.
Mindfulness Of attempts to ensure that the action undertaken will or has fulfilled your intent.

For example, Lunch –

Mindfulness in ensures you don’t eat too fast, chew your food completely, savor each bite.
Mindfulness of causes you to turn right out of the post office toward Pita Jungle rather than left toward Jack in the Box.

Mindfulness Of alerts your awareness that although you thoroughly enjoyed your meal, the Ultimate Cheeseburger and egg rolls weren’t exactly what you intended to eat and to be more mindful in your driving next time you’re running errands.

I desperately need to be more Mindful Of and In my actions…or at least I gather from the Bacon Cheeseburger and Fries I just ate.

Insomnia 080209

Sleep eludes,
Stress exudes a phantom song that plays,
A lilting tune – despite the moon – keeps slumber far away.

Although it’s time to shut my eyes and put my mind at ease,
I lay awake – and sleep forsake – because these rhymes do tease.

It must abate,
I cannot wait!
These maudlin lines must cease!
Alas! I find my words do bind, And I shall find no peace.

My faithful Dim – a cat, no hat –
Has dropped upon my chest,
His sonorous purrs and warm soft fur may yet persuade my rest…

Day Four?: Aftermath

Woke up @ 5:15a this morning incredibly depressed, due in no small part to the massive migraine which caused the rising sun to split my head wide open exposing my brain matter to the open air.

This in turn led to a ritual genuflection at the feet of the Porcelain God.
As I lost my self in the religious ecstasy of mandatory prayer, I considered how I had come to this place. Both in a specific literal sense, and on a more ephemeral cosmic level. This just made my head hurt more, but being a sadist I tortured the poor soul already bent in obeisance to excretory demons and continued the thought.

My immediate situation was readily solvable. Unsupportive bed, over indulgence in wine, lack of appropriate hydration, and a genetic propensity for migraines.

Which led me to Part 2 §42.1(a)
[Sorry, still suffering aftershock from the bar exam].
My genetics, and with that my conditioning.
The whole Nature vs. Nurture debate started playing out in my head.

Surprisingly, like Occam’s Razor to a Gordian Knot – a voice whispered simply: Template.

Meaning thus:
Each of us is born into this world partially pre-determined. We are to a great extent limited by our genetic inheritance. Notwithstanding modifications due to modern science – If you are born with short genes you will be limited to life activities not requiring height, conversely if you are born with tall genes you will be excluded from most carnival rides.

However, while some characteristics of who we are are fixed at birth, the vast majority of characteristics pertinent to modern life are acquired through our programming as applied to our genetic template.

For example, let’s say you are born with heightened dexterity – you may be able to do a wide variety of things requiring heightened dexterity: Surgeon, laparoscopy operator, juggler, gem cutter, pickpocket, etc.

What you end up doing and who you are is largely programmed by your family, your culture, your geography, and your other genetic traits.

I’ll use myself as a specific example.

I was born with relatively tall genes (6’4″), a medium-large frame, naturally good eye-hand coordination, exceptionally strong calves and thighs, high proportion of fast-twitch muscle fiber with excellent recovery time. These genetic feature could have led me into any number of athletic pursuits Tennis, Baseball, Football, Cycling, Running, etc.

However, I was also born with Asthma. This in and of itself does not preclude those athletic pursuits. How the condition is managed and the attitude programmed toward it is what determines the likelihood of pursuing those endeavors.

In my case, I was treated by very good – but very cautious doctors. I had the support of a mother who had seen how bad my Asthma attacks were, and spent her time very concerned that I would over exert myself and collapse. Her fears were not unfounded, when I was a child there were other children in my area who had died because of severe Asthma attacks. This however led to my developing an attitude of fear and loathing regarding physical exertion in general and exercise specifically.

This alone may not have completely prevented me from engaging in “fun” physical or playground activities. However, my disdain for all things physical was enhanced by my father in two ways. My father is a highly educated and cerebral person who was nonetheless an avid sport participant when he was younger.

As I said he discouraged physical activity in two ways:
1) Many philosophical discussion about how the physical body is not important – this was a popular late 19th early 20th century protestant stoicism position. “The soul is all, the mind for interpretation, and the body for carrying around the other two”.  So I began to consider my body as a mere vessel for my brain.

2) As I said my father was an avid sports participant. He used to take me with him to his basketball games and what not – and make me sit on the side and watch. Talk about boring. There were a few instances he tried to engage with me in sports, but he grew quickly frustrated with my lack of coordination (gangly pre-teen) and lack of stamina (asthma) and did not encourage me to overcome these obstacles.

So disdain, grew to an active dislike and shunning of all things physical. It took me decades to even realize that my attitudes had been so skewed that I had taken to actively neglecting my body and health in general. This of course has led to my being a very large slug. If I take off my shirt I get calls of “Hey Jabba, where’s your hut?”, and If I’m at the beach, “Push it back in before it suffocates!”

Anyway, having effectively eliminated one branch of potential development with early programming. Which takes me from physical to mental.

I was fortunate (or cursed) to have been born relatively intelligent.
I say cursed because I am smart enough to know what I don’t know, but not smart enough to learn it. For example, I found my upper limitation for mathematics at Calculus.

Maybe if I had a better or more engaging teacher I could have learned it, but this was the first time I couldn’t teach myself the subject. Fortunately (at the time back in the dark ages) it wasn’t required for my degree – so I never bothered to retake it. I often wish I had.

I managed to get through a computer systems engineering degree and through law school. Again though, not the sharpest tack. I may achieve competent or even clever, but “brilliant”? Unlikely.

The point being (given the divergence of computer systems engineering and law) I could have chosen to pursue a vast range of other careers:medicine, teaching, accounting, sales, technical work, etc. I could also have become a master mechanic, carpenter, or other skilled tradesman.

It all came down to programming. The encouragement and attitudes I absorbed from my family, my culture, my geography. What skills were praised? What professions were revered? What educational resources were available?

And in the Aftermath of the Bar Exam, what’s next?
I know where I’ve been, but where am I going?

Where have you been, and where are YOU going?

Day Three: It Is Finished…

Well, stick a fork in me, I’m Done.
This afternoon went a bit better than this morning, but I’ll be retaking in February.

The big question! Now what? Back to the miscellany which qualifies as my “life” I suppose.

I suppose I could attempt to re-engage myself with something useful and income producing.
But first I’ll need to cough up this hemlock soup – it doesn’t taste so good…

Day Three: Mid-day

On lunch break right now.

I screwed the essays up this morning royally – complete blanks on some really basic areas of law.

My brain and soul aren’t all here today.

I just want this done.

Day Three: Inevitability

Beginning of Day Three.

The stress has definitely gotten to me. My mind is filled with intrusions from the greater part of life.

My mind is particularly nasty.
It constantly brings to the forefront not just the things I worry about, but most often precisely those things over which I have no control.
I think Ginger’s passing may have triggered more deep seated issues.

I try to be “Zen” about the issues – I realize I have no control and try to let go.
Not working so much. I worry, because it’s part of who I am.

I realize I cannot control the emotions and actions of others.
I can try to influence, but in the end I have to realize that they will do as they will.

I suppose the best I can do is simply prepare for the inevitable phrases:
“I didn’t mean to hurt you…”, “It’s me not you…”,  or whatever.

I suppose I could rationalize away some of my worry by accepting that I cannot predict the future.
The problem is – I can.
No, I’m not clairvoyant.

We can all predict the future in small ways. Most often with human behavior.

Why? Because we have seen it all our lives.
We’ve seen how certain patterns of behavior lead to others.
We often know what someone is going to do before they do themselves.

Why? Because they are caught up in the moment of the doing, they aren’t observing themselves or the effect of their actions on the world around them.

Predictions become more accurate the better you know someone.
You’ve encountered this with friends and family members.
Sometimes you know exactly what they are going to say before they say it.

Sometimes you’ll finish each others sentences. And so on.

Sometimes you’ll know their hates and loves before they admit to them.
It’s telegraphed in body language, vocal inflections, speech patterns…etc.

Patterns of behavior can lead to long term predictions.
I’m not really sure how to best describe this phenomenon.
For example, someone starts to complain about their job.
Sometime later they stop working on work at home, then they start showing up late to work, then taking “mental health” days – and eventually they are either going to quit or get fired. Either way the path to leaving that job was setup and traveled over this course of weeks or months. During this time the individual would affirm their commitment to their job, not admitting that they want out.
As an observer though, you knew where they were heading a long time ago.

They same holds true for any endeavor – especially interpersonal relationships.

Often times you can tell where someone is headed in a relationship long before they admit it to themselves.
Many people have experienced the loss of their SO in bits and pieces, rather than all at once.
That slow reduction in intimacy, the gradual distance in interactions, the casual neglect given to the needs of the relationship, the exhibition of NRE.

Then one day, it’s just gone.
Sometimes the body is still there, but the emotions are somewhere else.

And the worst part, to me anyway, is that you can see it coming.
It’s like having your foot caught in the middle of a railroad track.
You’re stuck, you can see the train coming for miles.
You jump, shout and wave your arms, but  you know that you’re too small for it to notice.

You know that the pain is inevitable, the death is coming.

BUT, you have a choice – you don’t have to wait for the train to hit you, you can take action!
All you have to do is sever your leg, and the rest of you is free.

Sure, you’ll be maimed for life – but you’ll be alive.
You know others have done it, should you?

Can you?

Change is inevitable, one way or another – can you deal?

It’s comforting to know that one can always opt out. Completely.

Day One

So, day one of the bar exam done.

It was both more and less difficult than I thought it would be. The questions are all phrased: Discuss.

Which leaves a wide field of directions for you to take with both content and organization. Add to that the fact that each fact pattern is issue rich. Just loaded with relevant, irrelevant, and intertwined issues.

My main worry is that it seemed too easy. I have to wonder: what major thing did I miss?

Well it’s done. Time for the hot tub.

UPDATE: After I got home I found out that Ginger, our family dog of 19 years, had passed away in her sleep while I was taking the exam. I’m still processing this.

Frikkin Wordpresd

 Ok, I’m back to disliking WordPress. Just lost a nice long post because the “page doesn’t exist”. That’s nice, it could have cached what I had written!

Move page?

I like the ease of wordpress. The next task will be porting the old stuff. Then I’ll see about custom add ons. Then locate a host. Then move from experimental site to permanent site.
Then have a beer. I figure it should take less than 5 years.